The Fool

There are various types of people we see daily. Some we communicate with, some just pass us by and others are people we may know but are not very close with...

There is this person I would especially like to dedicate this session of the blog to. He has got a temper of an easily irritated baby and practically a brain the size of a quail egg. Today he came to talk to me on a product and I hinted to him on something he was doing which sets his temper on fire. He jumped into conclusion and was practically on fire and wrote a dump nick.

The funny part was it only make a fool out of himself. I wanted to tell him it made him look bad but I've decided to not laugh out loud instead because if I tell him how bad he'd look, is a waste of breath. So I might as well stand at the side and watch the show instead. Such as him banging himself on the walls and not justify. Let him continue misunderstanding would be a whole lot funnier.

Dear friend, Have fun ;)

Reply from GOD!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.


He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose,
cooked breakfast for his mate,

Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.

At 09 P.M he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'

Banks Consolidation 2008

Only two banks left soon.......

If the global crisis continues, by the end of this year, only 2 banks will survive.

-- THE BLOOD BANK AND THE SPERM BANK --

Both these will then merge and it will be called

"THE BLOODY FUCKING BANK"

12 Simple Mature Jokes To Cheer You

1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know?"
Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."

2) Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: "When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."

3) After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."

4) Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes. Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes. Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.

5) To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it.
To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.

6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

7) A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."

8) Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many!"

9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.."

10)Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.."

11)Two sperms talking on mobile.
1st: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought!

Husband and Wife 1

Dear Wife:


I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.


Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.



Signed

Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

In Hokkien 1

Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, 'And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?'

Mr. Lim replies, 'I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!'

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, 'Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on....'

At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, 'Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!'

********************

QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go 'kwah, kwah, kwah'.

QUESTION: How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER : Hae hae hae (Hokkien for prawns)

QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hoo hoo hoo (Hokkien for fish)

And here is a classic .........

QUESTION: What's the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy Tales?
ANSWER : Ang-mor fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time...' and Hokkien fairy tales begin with 'Lim Peh ka li kong...'

You're Always by my side

A very 'touching' story titled...."You're Always By My Side"

A man was walking across the road when he met with an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be in a coma for 2 days. When he opened his eyes, his wife was by his side.

He told her (in tears), "When I was struggling with my studies in the University, I failed again and again. Sometimes I even have to re-take my papers. You were there by my side, encouraging me to go on trying."

She squeezed his hands as he continued, "When I went for major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there, cutting out the job ads for me to apply..."

He added, " ...then I started working in this little firm and finally got a big contract. I blew it because of a small mistake. But you are still there for me." His wife was in tears.

The man said, "I finally got a job after being laid off for quite some
time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognized. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. You are still beside me..."

His wife's tears trickled down as she listened to him, "And now I met with an accident and when I woke up, you are here with me. There's something I'll really like to say to you..."

She flung herself on the bed and hug her husband, sobbing with deep emotion.


Finally her husband said,

"I think you bring me bad luck."

True Story from an American airport

A True Story from an American airport

Customs Official : 'May I know your name?'

Arriving passenger : 'Batman'

Customs Official : 'What's your name!?'

Passenger : 'My name is Bat-man'

Customs Official : 'Trying to be funny!? What's your surname?'

Passenger : 'Super-man'

Customs Official : 'So you're telling me your name is Batman Superman?'

Passenger : 'Yes'

Customs Official : 'Arrest the guy... '

When they had him in custody, he was asked to show identification:

Understanding Women

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2) Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)


Now what chance do you have???

To the fellas for info & to the gals for a good laugh!